Mountain Top

I would like to write my life’s story sometime, but I keep feeling like it isn’t the right time. Like I’m climbing the mountain and then when I get to the top, I can write about the experience. It just seems like I’m never quite there. There are still so many unresolved areas in my life. I’m waiting to get to the point where I’ve reached the top and now it’s no longer a struggle as I hike along the ridge.

I’m still climbing the mountain.

The top seems just out of sight.

When I’ve lost the weight,

when he has the job,

when bills are not a worry,

when Pearl is not anxious,

when Joey is okay,

when Cliff and Adrienne visit,

when I have a degree,

when everything is perfect.

Then I’ll have something to say,

then I’ll be worth listening to,

then the music will start,

then words will flow,

then the guilt and shame will flee,

then I’ll be worthy,

then I’ll soar,

then I’ll rebuild the walls,

Then I can begin.


Beginning of Chapter 2

I’m having a hard time writing this story because I don’t do well with deep emotions. I’d much rather write action novels. I’m going to stick with this through the first very rough draft and then see if I want to take it further. I’d much rather finish what I started than stop and start and stop again.


Dillon sat in his highchair looking around at everyone watching him. It was his very first birthday. Then Angie put the little cake in front of him and his eyes got big. Typical Dillon, he smashed his hands in the cake immediately. Angie watched him laughing. Her roommate’s son started demanding some cake.

Her mom and Carl sat looking uncomfortable. Angie couldn’t take it anymore. “Mom can you start serving the big cake and ice cream to everyone?”

Angie had moved out of her mom’s place and found a roommate advertising in the paper. She rented a room from her about a month ago. She was still taking online classes to get her degree. She hoped to be done in a year.

She looked at Dillon and laughed. He had chocolate all over his face. She grabbed him and wiped his face and let him crawl around on the floor. He was just starting to take a few tentative steps, but still preferred crawling.

Carl said he had to go and left right after cake. He and her mom had driven separately.

“So Angie, how do you like your place? It seems nice.”

“Well, the room is a little crowded with me and the baby, but at least I’m wanted here and there isn’t a lot of fighting.” Angie didn’t tell her that her roommate drank a lot and most of the time she had to go to her roommate’s baby when it cried at night because her roommate was too drunk to hear him. She also didn’t say that her roommate was angry with her because Angie had brought up the subject about her drinking too much.

Her mom left shortly after that.

About a month later, Angie saw the baby’s father while shopping. Brent was in the checkout lane and yelled her name as she was leaving. She tried to pretend like she didn’t hear him, but he caught up to her in the parking lot.

“Angie, didn’t you hear me calling you?”

“Yes, I did, but I don’t really have anything to say to you. I haven’t seen you in over a year.”

“Is that Dillon? Wow, he looks a lot like me doesn’t he?”

Angie begrudgingly admitted he did. She had noticed the older Dillon got the more he looked like Brent.

“Can I hold him?”

“Brent, you ditched me the minute you found out I was pregnant. I’ve been doing this alone for over a year. You can’t just walk in and walk out anytime you want.”

“Okay, how about I come over and just visit with you. I’ve grown up a little bit since I found out your were pregnant. I’ve been trying to call you, but your mom said you moved out and she wouldn’t tell me where.”

“Fine – you can come over for an hour and that’s it. You can follow me to my place.”

She got in her car and waited until she heard a motorcycle pull up beside her. Wow, she thought, he actually has a motorcycle now. Maybe he graduated from a wannabe biker to a real one. Angie wasn’t sure if this was good or bad.


Getting past the victim’s heart

now I’m at the angry part

It was years ago, buried in the deep

It took a movie with a stupid ending

to pull away the wrapping and evaporate

The hurt, the pain, anger and shame


What would I do if I had new?

Would I have a princess heart?

or was I destined to my part?

Sin and sin and sin some more

hurt and pass the hurt

Going down the line

passing through and around the bloodied man

trying to stymy the tide

Reach out, grab hold

He’s Alive