What Love is this…

What is it that we have

that as adults we are all Happy?

A super natural Father.

Our mother in need   gave us what she could

Massive Hemoraging   not enough

Our earthly father     dead to love     burned up

What love could fix us?

A Heavenly man stepped down from above

heavy footprints of Love

showing us the way ou  T.

Sin brought death, brought life and death again.

Sweet rest and Peace

Destroyer loses.

The King has won.

This battle over.

A new one has begun.


Some more…

I had stopped spending time with God. I started to try and recapture my youth, which is hard to do with two little boys. I started smoking cigarettes again, I don’t even know why – twenty-five and stupid I guess. (I know there are some smart twenty-five year olds out there.) I was driving down the road and trying to light a cigarette while looking back to see if I could change lanes. I look up and there are cars stopped ahead of me. There shouldn’t have been. I didn’t even have time to break. I smashed my Cavalier into a Pontiac while going 45 miles an hour. In a tribute to Pontiacs, the woman I hit only suffered a mild whip lash and a small dent in her bumper. My car was totaled. I did a face plant into my airbag. I didn’t have a seatbelt on. (We’ll talk about my self destructive behavior later)

The ambulance came and patched me up, while the cops wrote me a ticket. I refused to go to the hospital because I wasn’t sure if my insurance would pay for it. They towed my car and left me at the scene of the accident with no way to get home.

A little more details…

By now probably the only ones reading this are those who have been there or have been in a similar situation. While that is my target audience, the others might learn something too.

Here’s how it went down.

My husband’s first wife was toxic for him and maybe he was toxic for her. They fought every hour of the day and had to argue across the house to not get into physical blows. Those who know my husband now would not have recognized him then.

I came from a love starved upbringing and had a very rough life up until that point. God had redeemed a lot up until then, but I always kept myself too busy. I had two little boys and worked full-time. We both went to church and as I stated previously, Matt was on the worship team and we both were youth leaders.

Matt and I started by sinning in our heads. We compared notes after we were together. We both started fantasizing about each other thinking it would never happen because he was married and we were Christians. Matthew 5:28 was forgotten by both of us. A lot of times, for me anyway, the fantasy was just being with him. I remember thinking, “I would take a bullet for him in a second.” But he wasn’t mine to fall in love with and I was coveting my neighbor’s husband.

Still, we both thought we were safe because A) We didn’t know we both liked/loved each other and B) We were Christians and Christians don’t ever divorce.

I’ll finish this up soon, but just to leave you with this, the Bible doesn’t lie. James 1:13-15 is real.

Nitty Gritty

I decided the segment I will take from my life is how my husband and I got together and the redemption that came out of it.

I fully believe that God can redeem any circumstance or situation. His grace does not stop when we get saved. He loved us before we were saved, how much more after we are saved. I’m going to put it all out there first before trying to explain it or try to help you understand why it happened.

I’ve only told a few people at our current church. So here goes.

Here is the short of it. I got into a car accident. It messed up my back pretty good. After seeing the car, Matt decided life was too short and he wanted to be with me. The only problem was he was currently married. Within one week, he left his wife and moved in with me. We lived together unmarried until his divorce was final and then we got married.

Sounds pretty bad in straight forward black and white. How about something else to make it worse. Matt was on the worship team and we were both youth leaders. We left the church without being asked. We hurt many people.

Next post, I’ll explain some things, but I’ll let that sink in.



I have always felt God wants to use me in the media of writing. I also know he wants to use my story. The most obvious way is to write my story. As I’ve stated in a previous blog, I just can’t seem to get started. I received prayer on Sunday morning and the person who prayed for me, a wonderful woman, felt 8 months was significant. She asked me if it meant anything. At first I had no idea what that might mean, but then I realized the Writer’s Digest Competition is in May. I’ve entered it a couple times. The first time I entered it, I received an honorable mention. The second time, I just threw something together and it showed as I didn’t win anything.

So, instead of trying to put together my whole life on “paper” and consider how it might glorify God, I’ve decided to take a segment and do that segment really well and then submit it to the Writer’s Digest Competition. If I gets a good result, I can move on to another segment.