Cloak of Lies

The ideas I write about in this journal entry have come from people and things I’ve heard throughout my life, but came together for me on my walk this morning.

Things have happened over the last three years that made me realize how sensitive I am to being discounted or perceived as less than what I know I am. I didn’t realize I was overly sensitive until recently. I would just get upset and it would fester within me. I could not let go of someone’s false words about me. I gave people too much power over me.

I was walking this morning and I began to think about an incident that hadn’t even happened yet. It was just a possible negative outcome of how someone might treat me as being less than I know God created me to be in an upcoming meeting. I began to ask myself, “Why do you do that. Why do you go to the negative? Why do you hang onto false words about yourself from people?”

Then I remembered back when I was a teen mom 26 years ago. I was in the back seat of a truck getting a ride from some friends of a friend. There were two people in the front. One of them swore and the other person said he shouldn’t swear in front of ladies. The man said there were no ladies in the car and they snickered up front. I have held onto that for years. I thought of that as a wound, but in actuality, God told me that was a lie.

As children of God, our spirits are radiant. God created our spirits to reflect his glory. God showed me the lies were rags. I was hanging onto the lies and wearing them as a covering of rags. These rags were dimming my beautiful, brilliant spirit. They didn’t have to though. I only need let go of the lies and they will fall to the ground – worthless. I realized I had hung onto the lies since I was a child. Every negative word spoken over me was clung to and worn like a very ugly seasonal collection.

God gave me a revelation of what our spirits look like as children of God. There is a full moon out tonight or tomorrow – go outside and take a look. The full moon is only a fraction of our brilliance. God is so much brighter than the sun that the moon reflects.

Our spirits reflect the God of the universe.

I’m going to let go of the rags that dim God’s shalom. The lies that dim his intended creation, knit in my mother’s womb.


False Goals

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but didn’t write about it to avoid sounding preachy. That is until someone close to me was affected by it.

Sometimes my mind gets going on work, school and home-school and I just need to do something mindless for a few minutes. That is when I would play a computer game. I’m not saying all computer games are bad, but a person has to be aware of the amount of time spent on them – especially the goal-oriented games.

The goal-oriented games are, in my opinion, much more dangerous. They give a person the sense of accomplishing something, sometimes many things, but in actuality that person is accomplishing nothing. It is deceptive and a trap.

While a person is spending time playing these games, they are sitting and doing nothing – not one thing has been accomplished. As an office manager, bookkeeper and writer, I spend a lot of time on the computer.  I am standing in one place or sitting during that time, but things of importance to my place of business and to others are being accomplished – things that matter. (At least I hope they do.)

Goal-oriented games are false goals. They provide a person with a sense of accomplishment, but it is false and a lie. These games promote isolation instead of community. A person may protest and say, “I am interacting with my friends in these games.” What I have heard from folks who play these games is the only communication with friends is, “I need a bigger barn. Help me.” These games promote escapism and avoidance instead of dealing with the real world and the real people in it.

I came up with a list of things to do instead of playing these types of games. They are in no particular order.

1. Go for a walk

2. Talk to children

3. Turn on Christian music and listen to the lyrics

4. Take a nap

5. Read the Bible

6. Talk to spouse

7. Call parents

8. Have lunch with a friend

9. etc

Thank you for listening to my preachiness. It was just something God laid on my heart.


Hunger and Need

As a child growing up, I only had God to look after me. First my mother left and then my two older sisters – all the people in my life that took care of me. Then there was only God. Fortunately I had learned about God by the time I was six (thank you Mom and Dad!). Therefore, when I was left alone (or felt like I was left alone), I asked him for every little thing. This produced a dependance upon him and gave me a distinct advantage in the category of becoming like a child. “…Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt. 18:3 NIV, 2011)

Not to say I have perfected it. I am fiercely independent from the help of others and don’t always communicate my needs or feelings like I should. It’s from too many years of being alone. Being a single parent for ten years did not help that either. Sometimes I get too busy or let worries and anxious thoughts rule my mind. I have to slow down and remember that God has always been there for me and I need to talk to him.

All that to say, I’ve always recognized my need for God to some degree depending where I’m at and what I’m doing in that stage of my life. It makes me so thankful for my upbringing.

That’s right, I said it. I am so thankful for the things that happened to me. It has helped me to recognize my need. It has helped me to never stray too far from a conversation with the Father. This in turn has been a catalyst for me getting to know the other persons of the Trinity.

Need and Hunger are vital in our walk with God. I think we are all hungry, but we just don’t recognize it. Realizing our need is the first huge step in changing and becoming like children.

God is the only one that can fill us and he is only a conversation away.