Monthly Archives: March 2015

The Habit of Escape

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Merriam-Webster defines escapism as,

“habitual diversion of the mind to purely imaginative activity or entertainment as an escape from reality or routine”

I mentioned previously that I was addicted to food. I am really addicted to eating and reading. I am addicted to eating and watching TV. Oh and I’m addicted to reading without eating. I’m addicted to Yahoo News. I’m slightly addicted to Facebook, but not the games and videos, just the wonderful people and what they are doing. I thought about all this and what these things have in common, which is escapism. I’m addicted to escapism. You can substitute the word addicted for habit and it would mean the same thing. I’ve cultivated a habit of escapism.

I then wondered what would happen if I escaped into the Bible (not just the amazing Old Testament stories either). What if I escaped into prayer? What if I escaped into worship music? I got chills as I thought about the potential. Then last night I dreamt.

I was in line for a feast. There was a group before us and then when they left, we were able to file in. My husband and I sat at a table with two men we didn’t know because of lack of space. We were then allowed to watch what seemed like a play, but people were really living their lives like reality TV. The people were in trouble and a *fake Jesus came to help. Then I just knew the real Jesus was on his way. I jumped up and entered the “actors” area. I yelled, Yes! I crouched down as I realized everyone else had remained sitting and were looking at me annoyed or with condescending amusement. I sat on the floor waiting for Jesus with as much excitement as Elf when he thought Santa was coming to visit the department store. I was so excited. My alarm rudely woke me up right before Jesus walked into the room.

I thought about the dream and what it meant. I believe our dreams have meaning and God can talk to us through our dreams. I have had a small amount of training in Biblical dream interpretation, but mostly just rely on Holy Spirit to give me wisdom about my dreams.

I felt the Holy Spirit was telling me to get off the bleachers and live. Don’t just sit on the sidelines and graze, but get up and get into the action. Yes, I’m getting some nourishment by watching how God is working, but there is so much more that could be mine by actually living in God’s movements!

I’m going to practice escaping into God. I want to be as excited in real life about Jesus as I was in my dream. I was SO excited in my dream. I was awakened so suddenly that it carried over as I woke up.

This song spoke to me regarding these thoughts and I love their harmony. Come Alive by BarlowGirl

*Practicing full disclosure regarding the fake Jesus, I have recently read Wise Blood by Flannery O’Connor.

Photo taken by Matthew Schulz.

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Forrest Through the Trees

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I didn’t want to post today. Today is not going well. I did not get a good nights sleep. I’m not feeling the best and I’m escaping with food and reading news on the internet. (Escapism for me is another post altogether, maybe a few posts.)

That being said, I know it’s important to be honest. It’s important to be real. I like to think I’m a real person without a facade, but I know everyone has a facade even in writing. I’m striving to put mine down.

Here are a few songs that I love when I’m down. For the Christian Heavy Metal fans: Top Of The Mountain by Bloodgood

For others: Take My Life by Third Day

These two songs just make me feel lighter. I have hope and I begin to trust the process. I hope the songs lift others out there who are feeling down and need a little lift.

“Hi, My Name is 156.2.”

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I stepped on the scale today as I do every morning (when I care) and the scale said 156.2. I did good yesterday. I went to bed hungry, but feeling good about how I did great with my eating only to wake up to a 2 oz weight gain. It almost sent me off the rails. Thoughts ran through my head like, “How about I just stop eating. Maybe then I can lose some weight.” or “I know, I’ll only eat protein and lettuce from now on.” I ate exactly 4 oz of premium low sodium roast beef and a few squares of very dark chocolate and went on my walk. While walking, I started thinking, it’s amazing how the number on the scale can influence everything about my day. It decides who I talk to. It decides if I go to a new women’s group. It decides how affectionate I am towards my husband. It decides if I look people in the eye and say hello as I pass them on my morning walk. If I had gotten on the scale and it said anything below 156, I would have been a different person. I then heard God say, “You are not a number on a scale.” I thought about that for a while and I finally agreed. I thought about who I really am. My first thoughts were, I’m a mother, wife, student and have multiple jobs outside the house. I have gifts from God that he has allowed me to use to further his kingdom (I hope). But that really just says what I do. Who am I? I turned to who else, but Joyce Meyer to tell me. Yes I’m kidding, kind of. She has a webpage entitled Knowing Who I Am in Christ. It is awesome. One of the line items on this page caught my eye. “I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17 NIV).” I had to look this up to make sure this is what was being said. I reign as a King. Later today, I saw a picture in my head of me in a very small area. There were walls all around me, but I couldn’t see them due to a facade that covered them. My eyes were opened. I saw the walls and I started trying to climb them. The facade fell down and I saw someone standing on the walls. He reached his hand down and pulled me up on top. I made it just in time to watch a magnificent sunrise over the ocean. I felt like my life was just starting.

*disclaimer, I know I live on the west coast and a sunrise over the ocean is impossible, but God works in the impossible. 🙂

I Have a Food Addiction

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I decided to lead with the above title just to put it out there. When you look at me, you might see someone who is a little overweight. My doctor looks at me and says, “If you lost 15 pounds that would make a world of difference.” She’s right of course. With a family history of early death due to heart problems and diabetes, I need to make sure my weight is where it should be. I have lost weight and gained it back and then some, I don’t know how many times. I may be only 30 or 40 lbs overweight, but it is affecting my ministry, relationships and my faith. If you are sitting here reading this and tell me to “Stop it! Stop eating!” Just like my favorite comedian Bob Newhart, I understand. I am actually laughing just thinking about it.

What God has been calling me to is perseverance. We can’t fail until we stop trying to succeed. “Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”- Confucius

I am learning to keep trying and to not let depression and shame take root when I fail. Food addictions are one of the hardest addictions to overcome. We can’t quit cold turkey or we die. If we eat too much, we die. So the key to overcoming food addiction is moderation. Taking a little of our addiction and then telling ourselves no even though every other part of us says yes.

Today, I’m back on the band wagon. I’m taking that first step in spiritual warfare. My first step in obedience to God.

“Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible (p. 132).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

I am believing my acts of simple obedience will compound on each other. I said simple, not easy.