Monthly Archives: July 2015

Snack Food

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A while back I asked God for more hunger for his Word and Him. I have to do this on a regular basis as I’m prone to get too “busy” for God.

The first thing I noticed was the quotes you see all over Facebook didn’t give me shock and awe anymore. This great minister or that great guru did not pull me in. Nor did I feel the need to share them – not even the single scripture verse that magically shows up in my Facebook feed. I felt bad about this at first, like something was wrong with me. I also noticed a longing for the Word of God. A longing to pick up the actual Bible and read it. That hunger is such a great feeling.

I asked God about what was going on and he said man can not live on snack foods alone (My kids would beg to differ). I had fallen into the trap of reading all the quotes on Facebook and reading this great book and that great book instead of The Great Book. I fell into the trap of picking a single verse out instead of really feeding on the Word. Not that a single verse to meditate on is bad, but it just wasn’t doing it for me anymore.

A few days ago I read in John where Mary was looking for Jesus. She couldn’t find him in the tomb. The disciples came and looked too, but couldn’t find him and went back to the place where they were staying. She stayed  and kept looking for him – crying and seeking. Jesus came to her first. He showed himself to the eleven eventually, but Jesus took time to see Mary before even the Father. I am astounded by that. I’m not exactly sure what he was doing between the time he was crucified and the third day, I’ll let the theologians work that out, but he was on his way to the Father and made a pit stop to comfort Mary.

He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).

Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’ ”

I really want to be Mary instead of who I’ve been. I’ve been the person who lets the cares of this world keep me from producing fruit.

I love this song. Hungry (Falling on My Knees) by Joy Williams

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Limits can sometimes be good.

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I was telling a friend of mine that I’m working full-time now so I’m going to take a break from school this semester. I’m going to tell my students I tutor that I’m going to stop tutoring after this semester. I’ll go back to school in the Spring when I’m done tutoring. My friend said, “Oh, so you actually have limits?” He knows me well. This confirmed what God has been telling me.

I have limits.

It has taken me forty-four years to realize this. I cannot do it all. I always thought I could, but looking back I realize right when I was at my craziest, my body or mind broke and forced me to take a break.

God is showing me a pattern in my life. I can feel it ramping up to the breaking point again, but this time God is waking me up to it and I am starting to remove some things – things that seem urgent and necessary, but are not.

When I was a single parent, I had two or three jobs, two little boys and I wanted to hang out with my friends. I wanted it all. I thought sleep was for the other humans. Then one day, I got into an accident and my body forced me to take a break.

After I was married and had my third child, I thought I could work 60 or more hours in a very stressful job with a high burnout rate, take care of my family and marriage, but not take care of myself. I always came last. My body told me differently and I was on bed rest for three months plus back surgery.

Later, I worked a job that was toxic for me, but I felt I had to continue. I did not take care of myself. I ended up in emergency twice and was put on blood pressure meds. It woke me up and I started taking care of myself. I was completely off the meds in three months.

Now I feel it happening again. I’m working full-time, which is great! But I cannot also go to school part-time, homeschool my daughter and tutor other children. I told myself, “You can make it work.” But God is waking me up to the fact that I can’t. I see myself neglecting my body again. It is giving out warning signals. I feel distant from God.

I have limits.

I’m so thankful, he is helping me realize my limits. I am asking him for wisdom on what I can and cannot do. He created me so he knows what my limits are. He is giving me good insights and I feel hopeful.

Here is a sweet song. God Speaking by Mandisa

Thankful

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Matthew 6:34 has always bugged me. I know this is not what Christians are suppose to say, but it does.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (NIV)

It seems like a downer to me. It doesn’t always bug me. Sometimes it speaks to me. Sometimes there is so much going on I have to focus on what has to be done in a given day and not think about all which has to be done tomorrow. But I don’t want it to be this way everyday. I want a better way. I talked to God about it and the thought came to mind,

“Think about what you have to be thankful for today instead of what you have to be anxious about tomorrow.”

This thought from God spoke to me. I have been so anxious because of something I’m in limbo land about. I don’t know if what I want is going to happen and I’ve been playing the waiting game. The what ifs have been having a field day in my mind. What if I have been waiting all this time for a no answer from God. So many different what ifs. And then there’s the conversations with people in my mind. Does anyone else do that? Have complete conversations in your head based on what people might say? Those are such a waste of time.

I started practicing this idea of listing what I have to be thankful for today instead of thinking about what I have to be anxious about in the future. I felt such a load lift off me and everything looked and felt lighter. I know we’ve all heard “count your blessing,” but it was such a great reminder for me. God is a good God and loves to speak to us. He loves to switch our perspective.

Just wanted to share this song because I love it by Tatum Yonts. It’s called Judgen and it has nothing to do with this post, but as I said, I love it.