Someone in my family was talking to me about how they hate when they go from a spiritual peak to a dark valley. They are pursuing God one minute and then it tapers off and they go back to pursuing escapism.

I have often felt that way. I have also wondered why. I woke up this morning instantly thinking about how crazy it was to live in escapism, just waiting to die, when I have access to Jesus all the time. Why would I choose escapism? It didn’t make sense. It seemed to me that it was like being in a magic spell. It was a twisted sense of reality. I was led to a book I’ve had for a while, but hadn’t read much of. It was talking about making yourself vulnerable to God instead of fear. I prayed about why I made myself vulnerable to escapism instead of God. It came to me by my repeating the word vulnerable.

If I make myself vulnerable to God, it opens the door for him to reject me. It makes abandonment by God a possibility. I have learned, growing up, that those closest to you will hurt and abandon you. If I become too close to God, he will do the same thing. He can only keep up the pretense of liking me for so long.

Sounds crazy, but it is an actual subconscious thought pattern God showed me I had. I have to be brave and allow myself to be vulnerable to God. I have to trust him everyday so he can show me everyday that he’s trustworthy. He wants to show me everyday. He never gets tired of showing me he is not of this world. His ways are higher than ours. I Need You More