I caught myself going numb again. There were some things going on which were causing me pain and anxiety. I caught myself feeling nothing. I didn’t quite know how to get out of the pit or void I was in. So I prayed. Later that day I needed help with school and asked God. Immediately guilt tried to invade. If I’m not feeling love and not doing the religious disciplines then what right do I have to ask God for anything. The little Facebook sayings came to mind, “Today I’m just going to thank you and not ask for anything.”
While am worshipping more to get back to feeling, there was something a little off with the thought. The verse Matthew 18:3 came to mind, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” I heard God say to me, “Ask, ask and ask some more. I want you to rest in me. I want you to trust me and not feel the weight of your anxiety on your shoulders.”
He was speaking to my thought life. I have a habit of taking a problem and turning it around in my mind, constantly, regardless of what I’m doing. Along with that is the anxious thought, “I have to fix it. I have to come up with the solution.” But what I’m hearing from God is to first lay the anxiety on him, second ask for wisdom and third feel the Spirit swirl around in my mind with me and listen for wisdom. That goes for every little thing. That is relationship. That is trust.
Nothing is too small. Ask, ask and ask some more.
I love the lyrics to this song. Trust in You – Lauren Daigle