I decided the segment I will take from my life is how my husband and I got together and the redemption that came out of it.
I fully believe that God can redeem any circumstance or situation. His grace does not stop when we get saved. He loved us before we were saved, how much more after we are saved. I’m going to put it all out there first before trying to explain it or try to help you understand why it happened.
I’ve only told a few people at our current church. So here goes.
Here is the short of it. I got into a car accident. It messed up my back pretty good. After seeing the car, Matt decided life was too short and he wanted to be with me. The only problem was he was currently married. Within one week, he left his wife and moved in with me. We lived together unmarried until his divorce was final and then we got married.
Sounds pretty bad in straight forward black and white. How about something else to make it worse. Matt was on the worship team and we were both youth leaders. We left the church without being asked. We hurt many people.
Next post, I’ll explain some things, but I’ll let that sink in.
I have always felt God wants to use me in the media of writing. I also know he wants to use my story. The most obvious way is to write my story. As I’ve stated in a previous blog, I just can’t seem to get started. I received prayer on Sunday morning and the person who prayed for me, a wonderful woman, felt 8 months was significant. She asked me if it meant anything. At first I had no idea what that might mean, but then I realized the Writer’s Digest Competition is in May. I’ve entered it a couple times. The first time I entered it, I received an honorable mention. The second time, I just threw something together and it showed as I didn’t win anything.
So, instead of trying to put together my whole life on “paper” and consider how it might glorify God, I’ve decided to take a segment and do that segment really well and then submit it to the Writer’s Digest Competition. If I gets a good result, I can move on to another segment.
I friend of mine said, based on what we had been discussing, it sounded as if I hadn’t let go of my past or at least come to accept it.
I’ve been thinking about that and I realize she is right. I think most folks would understand why. My mother left me when I was 2 ish and then again when I was 4. I have two memories of my mother between the ages of 2 and 4. One was when I was on the floor of the laundry room and she was sorting laundry. The other was when I was at my grandfather’s house and she was visiting. She sent my older siblings out of the room and sang me a lullaby. I did see my mother after that every other weekend and then later lived with her for a few years. My mother never did anything to me per se, i.e. strike me, ground me, or really discipline me in any effective way. I guess that’s just it. She didn’t behave as a mother. I put up a wall for as long as I can remember. Something wasn’t right. The bond just wasn’t there. I have since tried and I know she has tried to repair that and we’ve made some improvement.
As an adult I can see what led to her decisions. As bad as my childhood was, her’s was worse. The fact that she is alive now is a true testament of her survivor instincts. Something I have definitely inherited. I can say that I love her and she loves me without hesitation.
More to come, however God has me write it. I put this picture in just because it’s beautiful.