Taking the Terrifying Plunge to Stop Dieting.

A few weeks ago, I decided I would no longer diet. I would no longer call any food off limits. I was terrified. I knew I was going to blow up like a whale. As you know, I’m reading an awesome Geneen Roth book and this was some of what she talked about.

So I decided to try it. I was going to give it two weeks, knowing I’d gain about 10 pounds during that time. I decided to trust my body and eat what I wanted even though I didn’t feel my body could be trusted. It’s called mindful eating and it was liberating. I am no longer on a Gluten Free diet. I’m not allergic to wheat, there was no need. I can have ice-cream whenever I want. I can have anything whenever I want.

Here’s the kicker. Once I took away the restrictions, once I realized nothing was off limits, I didn’t want those things very often. If I do want them, one or two bites is plenty. I seriously can’t imagine eating more than one Ritz Cracker. That is all I need to get the yummy tastiness of it.

I still have days when I crave mindless eating. But these are signs of something else going on with me. I stop, feel myself breath and try to get still to see what’s going on. I feel. I pray. I am still.

Here is what I found out when I really stopped to taste my food.

1. I have been eating some bland food. Yuck! 2. I like my food super hot as in temperature – it gives me warm fuzzies. 3. I like my food spicy. 4. I don’t need a lot of food to feel full.

This last one was a shocker. If you know me, you know I can pack the food away. I can out eat my 6″ 2′ giant of a husband any day. (I’m 4″ 10′) It was truly amazing to myself and my husband how small of an amount of food could make me feel full when I took the time to actually taste it.

This mindful eating has made me realize how much of the time I’ve just been shoveling it in. I’ve been trying to fill the empty places with food instead being still and filling it with being alive and filling it with the Spirit.

To top it all off, I’ve actually lost a couple pounds!

I heard this wonderful song while going for my walk: You Make Me Come Alive.

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The Habit of Escape

Merriam-Webster defines escapism as,

“habitual diversion of the mind to purely imaginative activity or entertainment as an escape from reality or routine”

I mentioned previously that I was addicted to food. I am really addicted to eating and reading. I am addicted to eating and watching TV. Oh and I’m addicted to reading without eating. I’m addicted to Yahoo News. I’m slightly addicted to Facebook, but not the games and videos, just the wonderful people and what they are doing. I thought about all this and what these things have in common, which is escapism. I’m addicted to escapism. You can substitute the word addicted for habit and it would mean the same thing. I’ve cultivated a habit of escapism.

I then wondered what would happen if I escaped into the Bible (not just the amazing Old Testament stories either). What if I escaped into prayer? What if I escaped into worship music? I got chills as I thought about the potential. Then last night I dreamt.

I was in line for a feast. There was a group before us and then when they left, we were able to file in. My husband and I sat at a table with two men we didn’t know because of lack of space. We were then allowed to watch what seemed like a play, but people were really living their lives like reality TV. The people were in trouble and a *fake Jesus came to help. Then I just knew the real Jesus was on his way. I jumped up and entered the “actors” area. I yelled, Yes! I crouched down as I realized everyone else had remained sitting and were looking at me annoyed or with condescending amusement. I sat on the floor waiting for Jesus with as much excitement as Elf when he thought Santa was coming to visit the department store. I was so excited. My alarm rudely woke me up right before Jesus walked into the room.

I thought about the dream and what it meant. I believe our dreams have meaning and God can talk to us through our dreams. I have had a small amount of training in Biblical dream interpretation, but mostly just rely on Holy Spirit to give me wisdom about my dreams.

I felt the Holy Spirit was telling me to get off the bleachers and live. Don’t just sit on the sidelines and graze, but get up and get into the action. Yes, I’m getting some nourishment by watching how God is working, but there is so much more that could be mine by actually living in God’s movements!

I’m going to practice escaping into God. I want to be as excited in real life about Jesus as I was in my dream. I was SO excited in my dream. I was awakened so suddenly that it carried over as I woke up.

This song spoke to me regarding these thoughts and I love their harmony. Come Alive by BarlowGirl

*Practicing full disclosure regarding the fake Jesus, I have recently read Wise Blood by Flannery O’Connor.

Photo taken by Matthew Schulz.

Forrest Through the Trees

I didn’t want to post today. Today is not going well. I did not get a good nights sleep. I’m not feeling the best and I’m escaping with food and reading news on the internet. (Escapism for me is another post altogether, maybe a few posts.)

That being said, I know it’s important to be honest. It’s important to be real. I like to think I’m a real person without a facade, but I know everyone has a facade even in writing. I’m striving to put mine down.

Here are a few songs that I love when I’m down. For the Christian Heavy Metal fans: Top Of The Mountain by Bloodgood

For others: Take My Life by Third Day

These two songs just make me feel lighter. I have hope and I begin to trust the process. I hope the songs lift others out there who are feeling down and need a little lift.