Today, I went for a walk with my friend. I went to Trader Joe’s (I can’t eat food without Cowboy Caviar), Kohl’s, a gas station and a donut shop (happy Doughnut Day). I made sure my daughter did her schoolwork and I took her to rehearsal. I did some work and started dinner. These are all everyday things, but something was different today.
I told my husband something felt different. I told him I didn’t know what it was, but it felt nice. I then realized the humming was gone. All my life there has been this buzzing or humming in my body. I have a hard time sitting still. I always need to do something. Even the thought of sitting quietly and meditating can drive me crazy. Today the hum is gone and I realize what I am feeling is peace. Peace and Quiet.
I’ve been struggling with this whole eating addiction/escapism for the last month or so. I feel like I have gone backwards, but at the same time, when I lift my head from whatever escape route I am taking (Yahoo news, Facebook, reading anything at all), the Presence is there – in a big way. The Presence is the Holy Spirit.
It is like he is contending for me. He’s willing to compete with all the distractions. He is pursuing me. The Creator of the Universe is pursuing, me! I don’t even know how to take that. Right now, I’m just sitting here, writing my blog and there is peace and the Presence.
A couple months ago as I was drifting to sleep, God showed me a secret place where I can meet with him in my mind. It is a room full of drapery the color of the green ocean. I can walk through it and talk to God there. It feels like God is walking in the garden in the cool of the day to come visit me. It’s like the DC Talk Song Mind’s Eye. It is amazing.
I was in a coffee house the other day with three other women. We were catching up. I started hearing the condemning voice in my mind from my childhood. All of a sudden, in my mind, I was transported to what I think was the throne room of God. I couldn’t see anything around me really, but this emerald lake or river. I could walk on top of it. It splashed a little as I walked. I was wearing a robe or dress with long sleeves like royalty. Every step I took was powerful and full of authority. I believe I was seeing myself as God sees me. I have added this as another place to visit with God.
All this to say, it may seem like we are not moving at all in our walk with God or we are moving at a very slow pace. But each small step, each reaching out even the tiniest bit to God, can have such amazing results.
Don’t give up. You have grown more than you know and God is right there reaching his hand out to pull you even further towards Him and his glory.