God is taking me through a faith building time. He is encouraging me to ask for what I need instead of worry about it. We all know this is harder than it sounds. He is also showing me his mercy. In the past I’ve made a mistake and then felt I had to deal with the consequences, but lately he’s been showing me to expect mercy. Not to purposefully do something bad and then look for the mercy, but to not be so hard on myself as I grow and learn through my weaknesses. He is helping me in my areas of weaknesses and he is so merciful in the learning and maturing. One weakness I have is anxiety instead of peace. Some people think I’m a very peaceful person and I think that is my true identity in Christ. But through genetics and life circumstances, I have to fight anxiety every day. A strong imagination with a negative slant does not help matters. So over the last six months, I’ve been concentrating on giving my anxiety to Him, silencing the “what if” questions in my mind and making sure I’m staying positive – mentally placing myself in the Father’s arms.
I may have blogged about this instance in an earlier post, but I remember one time I fainted while in school and the principal carried me out to my step-mom’s car. I was about ten. It was the most amazing experience. I had never felt safe and secure before this event and even though it only lasted about five minutes, it stayed with me my whole life. I’ve been bringing that image back to my mind when I’m anxious. It helps remind me of the truth; which is, I am safe in my Father’s arms. I love this song. I’ve tasted the riches of God. What other King leaves his glory to die? This is Amazing Grace by Jeremy Riddle
I stepped on the scale today as I do every morning (when I care) and the scale said 156.2. I did good yesterday. I went to bed hungry, but feeling good about how I did great with my eating only to wake up to a 2 oz weight gain. It almost sent me off the rails. Thoughts ran through my head like, “How about I just stop eating. Maybe then I can lose some weight.” or “I know, I’ll only eat protein and lettuce from now on.” I ate exactly 4 oz of premium low sodium roast beef and a few squares of very dark chocolate and went on my walk. While walking, I started thinking, it’s amazing how the number on the scale can influence everything about my day. It decides who I talk to. It decides if I go to a new women’s group. It decides how affectionate I am towards my husband. It decides if I look people in the eye and say hello as I pass them on my morning walk. If I had gotten on the scale and it said anything below 156, I would have been a different person. I then heard God say, “You are not a number on a scale.” I thought about that for a while and I finally agreed. I thought about who I really am. My first thoughts were, I’m a mother, wife, student and have multiple jobs outside the house. I have gifts from God that he has allowed me to use to further his kingdom (I hope). But that really just says what I do. Who am I? I turned to who else, but Joyce Meyer to tell me. Yes I’m kidding, kind of. She has a webpage entitled Knowing Who I Am in Christ. It is awesome. One of the line items on this page caught my eye. “I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17 NIV).” I had to look this up to make sure this is what was being said. I reign as a King. Later today, I saw a picture in my head of me in a very small area. There were walls all around me, but I couldn’t see them due to a facade that covered them. My eyes were opened. I saw the walls and I started trying to climb them. The facade fell down and I saw someone standing on the walls. He reached his hand down and pulled me up on top. I made it just in time to watch a magnificent sunrise over the ocean. I felt like my life was just starting.
*disclaimer, I know I live on the west coast and a sunrise over the ocean is impossible, but God works in the impossible. 🙂