I was telling a friend of mine that I’m working full-time now so I’m going to take a break from school this semester. I’m going to tell my students I tutor that I’m going to stop tutoring after this semester. I’ll go back to school in the Spring when I’m done tutoring. My friend said, “Oh, so you actually have limits?” He knows me well. This confirmed what God has been telling me.
I have limits.
It has taken me forty-four years to realize this. I cannot do it all. I always thought I could, but looking back I realize right when I was at my craziest, my body or mind broke and forced me to take a break.
God is showing me a pattern in my life. I can feel it ramping up to the breaking point again, but this time God is waking me up to it and I am starting to remove some things – things that seem urgent and necessary, but are not.
When I was a single parent, I had two or three jobs, two little boys and I wanted to hang out with my friends. I wanted it all. I thought sleep was for the other humans. Then one day, I got into an accident and my body forced me to take a break.
After I was married and had my third child, I thought I could work 60 or more hours in a very stressful job with a high burnout rate, take care of my family and marriage, but not take care of myself. I always came last. My body told me differently and I was on bed rest for three months plus back surgery.
Later, I worked a job that was toxic for me, but I felt I had to continue. I did not take care of myself. I ended up in emergency twice and was put on blood pressure meds. It woke me up and I started taking care of myself. I was completely off the meds in three months.
Now I feel it happening again. I’m working full-time, which is great! But I cannot also go to school part-time, homeschool my daughter and tutor other children. I told myself, “You can make it work.” But God is waking me up to the fact that I can’t. I see myself neglecting my body again. It is giving out warning signals. I feel distant from God.
I have limits.
I’m so thankful, he is helping me realize my limits. I am asking him for wisdom on what I can and cannot do. He created me so he knows what my limits are. He is giving me good insights and I feel hopeful.
Here is a sweet song. God Speaking by Mandisa