smashed car/Matt loses it.

I really don’t know how to do this next part and still have people continue to read, but I’ll give it a shot.

I went into a little grocery store to see if I could use their phone. They let me use it and I called my future husband, Matt’s house to see if he or his wife at the time could come get me as they lived very close to where I crashed. They came and got me and took me home. My insurance covered a rental car while they determined what they were going to do with my wrecked car. I went to the doctor’s office the next day and he touched my back and asked me if it hurt. I told him it hurt a little. He said he was barely touching me and the next day my back would hurt terribly. He put me on some drugs and sent me home.

When Matt’s wife found out I was on drugs, she refused to let me drive. She took my keys away and made Matt drive me to work everyday and pick me up. Matt was not happy about that. He didn’t want to drive someone around. He had his own business and time was money, but he didn’t cross his wife, so he did it.

Then one little request of mine changed both of our worlds drastically. I asked them to go to my wrecked car on their way to my house and grab a few things from it as the insurance company had totaled it.

When Matt and his wife came to my house, Matt threw open the door and rushed in and held me and wouldn’t let go. It got very awkward with his wife right there. He didn’t realize how bad the accident had been and how blessed I was to had just bought a new car a few months before with an airbag. The front end of my car was crunched in dramatically and my windshield was smashed out by the airbags.

Matt completely lost it when he saw the car. He realized he was in love with me. He realized life was so short and he was extremely unhappy with it so far. He didn’t take those thoughts to God though and when he started to make it known how he felt, I didn’t tell him no or direct him back to God either.


A little more details…

By now probably the only ones reading this are those who have been there or have been in a similar situation. While that is my target audience, the others might learn something too.

Here’s how it went down.

My husband’s first wife was toxic for him and maybe he was toxic for her. They fought every hour of the day and had to argue across the house to not get into physical blows. Those who know my husband now would not have recognized him then.

I came from a love starved upbringing and had a very rough life up until that point. God had redeemed a lot up until then, but I always kept myself too busy. I had two little boys and worked full-time. We both went to church and as I stated previously, Matt was on the worship team and we both were youth leaders.

Matt and I started by sinning in our heads. We compared notes after we were together. We both started fantasizing about each other thinking it would never happen because he was married and we were Christians. Matthew 5:28 was forgotten by both of us. A lot of times, for me anyway, the fantasy was just being with him. I remember thinking, “I would take a bullet for him in a second.” But he wasn’t mine to fall in love with and I was coveting my neighbor’s husband.

Still, we both thought we were safe because A) We didn’t know we both liked/loved each other and B) We were Christians and Christians don’t ever divorce.

I’ll finish this up soon, but just to leave you with this, the Bible doesn’t lie. James 1:13-15 is real.

Nitty Gritty

I decided the segment I will take from my life is how my husband and I got together and the redemption that came out of it.

I fully believe that God can redeem any circumstance or situation. His grace does not stop when we get saved. He loved us before we were saved, how much more after we are saved. I’m going to put it all out there first before trying to explain it or try to help you understand why it happened.

I’ve only told a few people at our current church. So here goes.

Here is the short of it. I got into a car accident. It messed up my back pretty good. After seeing the car, Matt decided life was too short and he wanted to be with me. The only problem was he was currently married. Within one week, he left his wife and moved in with me. We lived together unmarried until his divorce was final and then we got married.

Sounds pretty bad in straight forward black and white. How about something else to make it worse. Matt was on the worship team and we were both youth leaders. We left the church without being asked. We hurt many people.

Next post, I’ll explain some things, but I’ll let that sink in.



What would I do if I had new?

Would I have a princess heart?

or was I destined to my part?

Sin and sin and sin some more

hurt and pass the hurt

Going down the line

passing through and around the bloodied man

trying to stymy the tide

Reach out, grab hold

He’s Alive