You Sit With Me

There is a piece of me that is hidden. So hidden, in fact, that I don’t know how to find it. I hid it to protect it as a child since no one was protecting me. No one cared to make sure I was secure, so I secured myself.

What was once a safe place has become a prison. I want to release it to you, Lord, but I don’t know how to find it. There is a piece of me, which would connect with You much deeper than the part of me you see, but I don’t know how to find it. It is the pure, truly human part of me, the image of you that you breathed into me. It is buried alive within me. Only you, Lord, can resurrect it. The piece of me that can truly connect with you. Only you can find it. I need to be still, to not cringe in fear of being seen by you. I need to be quiet and allow your Spirit to seek and find me – the real me. Bring shalom to my core, restoration to who I was created to be. Find the pure, created piece of me buried deep. Spirit connect with my spirit and bring forth who I was created to be. Break the lies that are holding the doors closed, release the truth to set me free.

Even while that piece of me is hidden and buried, you meet me in my prison. You talk to me and give me hope while the Spirit breaks each chain, removes each wall, working to free me. You sit with me.


Taking the Terrifying Plunge to Stop Dieting.

A few weeks ago, I decided I would no longer diet. I would no longer call any food off limits. I was terrified. I knew I was going to blow up like a whale. As you know, I’m reading an awesome Geneen Roth book and this was some of what she talked about.

So I decided to try it. I was going to give it two weeks, knowing I’d gain about 10 pounds during that time. I decided to trust my body and eat what I wanted even though I didn’t feel my body could be trusted. It’s called mindful eating and it was liberating. I am no longer on a Gluten Free diet. I’m not allergic to wheat, there was no need. I can have ice-cream whenever I want. I can have anything whenever I want.

Here’s the kicker. Once I took away the restrictions, once I realized nothing was off limits, I didn’t want those things very often. If I do want them, one or two bites is plenty. I seriously can’t imagine eating more than one Ritz Cracker. That is all I need to get the yummy tastiness of it.

I still have days when I crave mindless eating. But these are signs of something else going on with me. I stop, feel myself breath and try to get still to see what’s going on. I feel. I pray. I am still.

Here is what I found out when I really stopped to taste my food.

1. I have been eating some bland food. Yuck! 2. I like my food super hot as in temperature – it gives me warm fuzzies. 3. I like my food spicy. 4. I don’t need a lot of food to feel full.

This last one was a shocker. If you know me, you know I can pack the food away. I can out eat my 6″ 2′ giant of a husband any day. (I’m 4″ 10′) It was truly amazing to myself and my husband how small of an amount of food could make me feel full when I took the time to actually taste it.

This mindful eating has made me realize how much of the time I’ve just been shoveling it in. I’ve been trying to fill the empty places with food instead being still and filling it with being alive and filling it with the Spirit.

To top it all off, I’ve actually lost a couple pounds!

I heard this wonderful song while going for my walk: You Make Me Come Alive.

Everyone Will Be Salted by Fire.

I read this for the first time in my Bible. I’m sure I’ve seen it before as I was reading, but my eyes and mind never comprehended it. It stopped me in my tracks. Mark 9:49 “Everyone will be salted with fire.”

I thought I would see what others have said about this verse. People have a lot to say and there is a lot of confusion. Some versions have actually added into the text a verse in Leviticus. My version just referenced it on the side. Most feel if you translate it literally into Hebrew, it is talking about being preserved in hell forever and makes more sense in the versus above it. But then, to me, the verse after it does not make sense. I’ve seen no one address the context of the verse after it.

So if you read both versus, it reads like this. “Everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other.” Mark 9:49-50

So my simple, uneducated thoughts regarding these two versus is this: Salt is what makes things good. If something is bland, you put salt on it and it perks it up and gives it flavor. It makes something stand out. When I read “Everyone will be salted by fire.” I immediately think of trials. Trials by fire gives us salt. I think of salt as wisdom and maturity. “Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other.” It talks wisdom and maturity to be at peace with each other.

I also think of salt as what we can rub off onto each other as our lives meet. Today I will go to the coffee house with a very wise woman and a prophetic artist and I hope to rub off some of my God given salt, which I received by fire onto someone who needs it. We have a little sign and we offer them Dream interpretation, Tattoo interpretation and spirit blessings. People seek us out, they need to hear from God and they don’t know it.

I think salt can be sharing the love of God with people. Just letting someone know that God exist and he knows their name in a very real and tangible way. You can go up to someone and say, “God loves you.” They say okay and walk away. If you go to someone and say, “God knows you have been struggling with taking care of your ailing father and he wants you to know how proud he is of you for stepping up to do your duty.” This reaches their core. They now know, in one quick moment, there is a God, he know them intimately and he loves them.

To me that is salt. That flavors conversations. That brings people to Jesus.